Saturday, December 17, 2011
Blog Comments
I just want to apologize to everyone that ever made comments on my blogs... apparently I never received notifications of comments cause I just barely read some from back in 2009. OOOPS!
South Korea
With Devin gone and owning my own business I have the ability to leave whenever I want. Space A is my best friend. I love flying for free and I love that the military offers this perk to wives with soldiers overseas. I was planning on going to Arizona to see my friend Tonya and her two new beautiful babies and then hop over to Louisiana but I instead found a flight heading to Korea. I thought about it for 5 minutes then said no, there is no way I can do it, its too last second, what about my cats, what about my business, what about my mail, no cell service, how would I talk to Devin?, too many what abouts... well my dear friend Kristina was sooo excited that it was even an idea, and then I talked to Stephanie who said really when is going to be a good time if you don't just go. So I thought about it and she was right. If I didn't go, I never would. I tied up all the loose ends and the next thing I knew I was on a plane for Korea... Crazy! BUT its been a blast, Im having a blast, there are so many things to see, so many things to do. There is no way I can see it all and I know I need to leave soon so I'm trying to wrap up all the excitement. The Koreans are the nicest people. They are so sweet. I am not a fan of using elevators here since they cram in like sardines and you can barely breathe. I don't like being in too close of proximity as the older men cause most smell like vodka but the old ladies are priceless, especially with Kristinas 2 blonde sons, they LOVE them. Its very entertaining. The language barrier is quite exciting as well. You never know what your eating unless you get lucky to have the food written in english as well but its kinda scary. I experienced pure bliss yesterday when something hit me like a ton of bricks and I spent the night on the toilet. It was a party! Don't know what it was but I definitely feel better today. The shopping here is AMAZING!!! They have the nicest clothes ever. Some of the stores are actually somewhat affordable. I told Devin before he left that I was not going to buy any clothes before he left but I was wrong. Month 1 and I bought a bunch! Some were or him though. Ill post more when my trip is over. I should be coming home this next week!
Deployment 2011-2012
When I met Devin I was very much into the whole military thing, given we met in an ROTC class! I really didn't know that much about the army still and was learning more every day. When Devin and I decided to get married I knew it was going to be a big sacrifice on both of our parts at different points in our marriage. I knew deployments would happen and I knew that my husband was going to be a soldier first and a husband second. In my mind it was manageable and one of those things you tackle as it comes. You learn to deal with it and adjust accordingly. I knew I loved Devin enough and that that should help carry us through the hard times. What I didn't expect is to feel a loss so indescribable, to feel a hole in your heart, to feel completely lost without him.
We had a date for a couple months, he was going to be on the first flight from his unit to deploy beginning of November. Thats when the denial hit me. I wouldn't look at the calendar, I wouldn't talk about it, it was just going to come naturally. That didn't prevent the stress. I was devastated. I didn't want to be alone for a year, I would go to sleep thinking of all the last things we were doing together, the idea of spending the holidays alone, the worries of getting sick and not having him to help me, eating alone, just mere emptiness. A couple weeks before he left I was so frustrated I remember yelling at him that I just wished that he would leave already just GO. Its so hard when there is this anticipation, a buildup, a packing list that needs to be filled, a list of things to buy before he leaves. The constant begging to buy more things just so he can stay entertained. The whole time I kept thinking what about me? I felt more alone than ever. The heartbreak august brought us, the heartbreak of another failed attempt to conceive, and knowing Devin was the only one who understands any of it and he's now leaving me.
The day he left. We woke up, it was sunday morning the 20th of November (his date was pushed back twice). We cuddled in bed and I cried. He told me it was ok and not to cry but how can you not when you know your saying goodbye for a very long time. He had loaded the car the night before, he got his toothbrush, deodorant and packed his last bags. We got in the car and drove to post. It was a very quiet drive, I couldn't let go of his hand. We went to his office and did some last minute stuff. I would not let him out of my sight. He went and got his gun issued and thats when it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was really happening. My husband was going to war. It made me wish I had joined in 2006 so I might be able to go with him. His soldiers showed up and all the guns were issued and all the guys were ready to head to the airport. We drove to the airport, it was all a big blur. They went to check their bags and I was issued a pass to go to the gate. The lady asked how I was doing. Wrong question. I tried to be ok but couldn't hide the occasional tear. We went through security, ate lunch with one of the soldiers Devin had to keep accounted for. Before I knew it they were calling for boarding his flight. Ive never felt so helpless before in my life. Its like you have to do something but your body doesn't want to so you can't move, you can't talk, you can't do anything but cry, lifeless and limp, he picked me up to hug me and I just sobbed. I thought I would fall to the ground if he didn't hold me. All I could say was don't leave me. I hugged him for a couple minutes before he told me he really had to go. I gave him my last tear covered kiss and let go. I had to leave quickly, I turned around to watch him disappear onto the plane. I hurried to my car and sobbed the rest of the way home. I got in bed and cried myself to sleep. I slept all day. It was like that for 4 days. Where did the strength go that I supposedly have?
Thanksgiving came, I had a good time with my aunt and uncle but I was so empty, my other half was definitely missed that day. Stephanie called me to see how I was doing. I can keep it together until someone asks that question. Especially her, I know how hard it was when Jeff left her and I now was going through the same thing. I cried again, I cried a lot that day but then it was over. The day was done, I knew it was time to move forward. Everyday has been getting better than the last. I have had a couple melt downs because its never fun to experience exciting things without the one you love. Its hard to sleep alone. Its a daily challenge still to not miss him like crazy. Ive filled some of the pain with constant emails and 5 care packages. Christmas will bring more challenges but hopefully Ill be with someone who can maybe understand and help me to enjoy the holiday.
As for Devin, he is all settled now in Afghanistan, he has his own little room with a little shelf, a little bed and a little closet. He has been working long hours for the last couple weeks now. He does not get holidays or weekends, he gets lonely, he doesn't get visitors, but he likes being over there. He says its not that bad. He has been training for so long so its about time he gets to see it over there again. He is crossing his fingers for mid tour leave. I am very hopeful, I would love to spend two weeks with him in-between this journey.
I am very grateful for the military, I am grateful for the men and women and their sacrifices every day, I am grateful for the families willing to sacrifice for their loved ones. I am proud to be married to an officer of the army. I am grateful that we have the next year to do a lot of reflecting, bonding, strengthening our marriage, paying off debt, making goals for the rest of our lives, strengthening our relationship with the lord, learning patience and so much more. I long for the reuniting and the excitement and anticipation that will come with it. I can't wait to feel like a 16 year old just falling in love for the first time all over again. I love my husband, I'm grateful for his service, I know he will come home safe, heres to the next year!
We had a date for a couple months, he was going to be on the first flight from his unit to deploy beginning of November. Thats when the denial hit me. I wouldn't look at the calendar, I wouldn't talk about it, it was just going to come naturally. That didn't prevent the stress. I was devastated. I didn't want to be alone for a year, I would go to sleep thinking of all the last things we were doing together, the idea of spending the holidays alone, the worries of getting sick and not having him to help me, eating alone, just mere emptiness. A couple weeks before he left I was so frustrated I remember yelling at him that I just wished that he would leave already just GO. Its so hard when there is this anticipation, a buildup, a packing list that needs to be filled, a list of things to buy before he leaves. The constant begging to buy more things just so he can stay entertained. The whole time I kept thinking what about me? I felt more alone than ever. The heartbreak august brought us, the heartbreak of another failed attempt to conceive, and knowing Devin was the only one who understands any of it and he's now leaving me.
The day he left. We woke up, it was sunday morning the 20th of November (his date was pushed back twice). We cuddled in bed and I cried. He told me it was ok and not to cry but how can you not when you know your saying goodbye for a very long time. He had loaded the car the night before, he got his toothbrush, deodorant and packed his last bags. We got in the car and drove to post. It was a very quiet drive, I couldn't let go of his hand. We went to his office and did some last minute stuff. I would not let him out of my sight. He went and got his gun issued and thats when it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was really happening. My husband was going to war. It made me wish I had joined in 2006 so I might be able to go with him. His soldiers showed up and all the guns were issued and all the guys were ready to head to the airport. We drove to the airport, it was all a big blur. They went to check their bags and I was issued a pass to go to the gate. The lady asked how I was doing. Wrong question. I tried to be ok but couldn't hide the occasional tear. We went through security, ate lunch with one of the soldiers Devin had to keep accounted for. Before I knew it they were calling for boarding his flight. Ive never felt so helpless before in my life. Its like you have to do something but your body doesn't want to so you can't move, you can't talk, you can't do anything but cry, lifeless and limp, he picked me up to hug me and I just sobbed. I thought I would fall to the ground if he didn't hold me. All I could say was don't leave me. I hugged him for a couple minutes before he told me he really had to go. I gave him my last tear covered kiss and let go. I had to leave quickly, I turned around to watch him disappear onto the plane. I hurried to my car and sobbed the rest of the way home. I got in bed and cried myself to sleep. I slept all day. It was like that for 4 days. Where did the strength go that I supposedly have?
Thanksgiving came, I had a good time with my aunt and uncle but I was so empty, my other half was definitely missed that day. Stephanie called me to see how I was doing. I can keep it together until someone asks that question. Especially her, I know how hard it was when Jeff left her and I now was going through the same thing. I cried again, I cried a lot that day but then it was over. The day was done, I knew it was time to move forward. Everyday has been getting better than the last. I have had a couple melt downs because its never fun to experience exciting things without the one you love. Its hard to sleep alone. Its a daily challenge still to not miss him like crazy. Ive filled some of the pain with constant emails and 5 care packages. Christmas will bring more challenges but hopefully Ill be with someone who can maybe understand and help me to enjoy the holiday.
As for Devin, he is all settled now in Afghanistan, he has his own little room with a little shelf, a little bed and a little closet. He has been working long hours for the last couple weeks now. He does not get holidays or weekends, he gets lonely, he doesn't get visitors, but he likes being over there. He says its not that bad. He has been training for so long so its about time he gets to see it over there again. He is crossing his fingers for mid tour leave. I am very hopeful, I would love to spend two weeks with him in-between this journey.
I am very grateful for the military, I am grateful for the men and women and their sacrifices every day, I am grateful for the families willing to sacrifice for their loved ones. I am proud to be married to an officer of the army. I am grateful that we have the next year to do a lot of reflecting, bonding, strengthening our marriage, paying off debt, making goals for the rest of our lives, strengthening our relationship with the lord, learning patience and so much more. I long for the reuniting and the excitement and anticipation that will come with it. I can't wait to feel like a 16 year old just falling in love for the first time all over again. I love my husband, I'm grateful for his service, I know he will come home safe, heres to the next year!
Friday, December 16, 2011
Leave
We had the best time on leave! One more thing to be grateful for with the military is the wonderful breaks that we get to spend together. We didn't really have anything set in stone until the last second which was kind of fun. I love living on the edge. Devin on the other hand has a few anxieties about last second stuff. We were trying to get to Louisiana to see his family before he left but there just weren't any space a flights. We did get a flight to Washington though! My long lost aunt Carol lives in Washington and we were able to spend some time with her and her wonderful family. It was a blast and we did not want to leave. Their home is beautiful and very relaxing. You just want to put your jammies on and vege. Our favorite thing to do!
After Carols we stayed in a time share with one of our favorite couples. Stephanie and Jeff drove from North Idaho to Seattle to see us. It was SOOOO much fun. Another time that we didn't want to end. The time share was pretty nice, we were right in the heart of Seattle so it was a lot of fun. We did some shopping, went to a Seattle Sounders soccer game, and just had a good time catching up and reuniting since Jeff just got home from Iraq and Devin and him hadn't seen each other since their wedding in April 09. We won't let that happen again. The boys were able to go golfing together before we had to go our separate ways, they golfed for HOURS, apparently they got a little rusty! We drove down to Oregon and visited my aunt and uncle, cousins, my sweet grampy, my mom, ken, and then back up to seattle to catch another flight to California!
Devin had never met some family favorites... Chuck and Nance. We spend a few days at their house in Atascadero and loved every second of it. Devin couldn't get enough of them. He wanted to stay longer but we had already stayed longer than planned. It was an excellent way to spend leave. We caught a flight home (barely) and begun our descent to deployment.
Continued Hope
After the unsuccessful pregnancy I decided to focus on Devin and work. I enjoyed helping us financially and spending more time with my love since the upcoming deployment was reaching closer and closer. We ended up having a doctor fall into our laps that was so excited to meet us and help us. We actually had time to do a round of IUI, its less extensive than IVF but still a good route to go apparently. We now have an amazing doctor who is very informative and wanted to help me out as best and quickly as possible before Devin left. She was heaven sent just for the way she cared for me. We went in and found out I don't have a polyp, thank goodness! Devin's deployment date wasn't set until November 7th and we had started with our new doctor beginning of October. It was tight but manageable! Everything worked great, it was way less stressful than IVF, the injections didn't hurt as bad, the doses were a lot smaller and it was less time consuming. Devin was able to see his swimming soldiers under the microscope which thrilled him to no end. He had to tell everyone! The round of IUI didn't work but we are still hopeful. We are focusing on the deployment now and building our marriage through Skype conversations, care packages and daily emails.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
2 months of events.
Devin left for JRTC in Louisiana on the 22nd of August. He was gone all of August doing his pre-deployment training for Afghanistan. I had the embryo transfer on July 23rd. I almost immediately felt pregnant. I had so many side effects it was incredible. I enjoyed every second of it that I could stay awake for. I slept sooo much for the first week. I left on August 2nd for the Scentsy Convention in Dallas and found out on August 5th that I was really pregnant. It was such a rush of emotions. I had been planning everything out right after the embryo transfer so I was so ready for everything to come. I left Dallas and headed to Louisiana to hang with the in-laws. I ended up in the ER on the 7th with massive bleeding and cramping, on the 9th it was considered an incomplete miscarriage, I was done miscarrying around the 11th.
I left Louisiana on the 9th and went to Las Vegas to hang out with Stephanie. It was quite depressing to be on vacation and have all this happen but we managed to have a blast. We went to the Phantom of the Opera and did TONS of shopping. I think that was the majority of our trip but it was a lot of fun. We checked out a lot of the hotels, took several cabs, swam in the resorts pool, got lots of sun, saw lots of dirty things and then headed out!
We left Vegas and Steph drove me up to Logan to my brother’s house where I was meeting up with my cousin the next day. When he got there he said my Grammy was in the ICU in Oregon. I didn’t know things were that bad so it was a very somber day. We found out on the 15th that she was leaving us. We made it through the week then drove to Oregon to face a very difficult occasion. I couldn’t have been happier to get home on the 27th of August. Devin came home on the 1st. Now we are just planning out how to survive the deployment. I am going full on with my businesses right now trying to engulf myself in something else. I am still hurt but am dealing with it the best I can. It comes out as anger quite frequently but I’m done tolerating peoples bull crap. I am sick of everyone’s drama and conflicts. It’s not my job to be a psychiatrist and it’s not my responsibility to be a punching bag. I’ll keep everyone updated on the next round if we can get one in before Devin leaves. I might have to have surgery in a few weeks. The doctor found a polyp in my uterus so well see. I am grateful for what I have and I am still keeping my fingers crossed for next time.
I left Louisiana on the 9th and went to Las Vegas to hang out with Stephanie. It was quite depressing to be on vacation and have all this happen but we managed to have a blast. We went to the Phantom of the Opera and did TONS of shopping. I think that was the majority of our trip but it was a lot of fun. We checked out a lot of the hotels, took several cabs, swam in the resorts pool, got lots of sun, saw lots of dirty things and then headed out!
We left Vegas and Steph drove me up to Logan to my brother’s house where I was meeting up with my cousin the next day. When he got there he said my Grammy was in the ICU in Oregon. I didn’t know things were that bad so it was a very somber day. We found out on the 15th that she was leaving us. We made it through the week then drove to Oregon to face a very difficult occasion. I couldn’t have been happier to get home on the 27th of August. Devin came home on the 1st. Now we are just planning out how to survive the deployment. I am going full on with my businesses right now trying to engulf myself in something else. I am still hurt but am dealing with it the best I can. It comes out as anger quite frequently but I’m done tolerating peoples bull crap. I am sick of everyone’s drama and conflicts. It’s not my job to be a psychiatrist and it’s not my responsibility to be a punching bag. I’ll keep everyone updated on the next round if we can get one in before Devin leaves. I might have to have surgery in a few weeks. The doctor found a polyp in my uterus so well see. I am grateful for what I have and I am still keeping my fingers crossed for next time.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Egg Retrieval
On Tuesday I went in to Soldotna to have my eggs taken out. They gave me some heavy sedatives and some anesthetics. I was soooo loopy it was awesome! The problem with anesthetics that im awake for is that I talk A LOT. I say the weirdest, crudest, and most embarrasing things. Devin was mortified but I cant help it! They took out 20 eggs! I am waiting for a call to hear when they want to put the embryos in and how they look. After the procedure I wanted to go salmon fishing so we headed to the Kenai. I limited out in 30 minutes. I was so drugged up I dont remember much but I wish it lasted longer. I LOVE fishing!
HAWAII
This was our first trip to Hawaii. We were supposed to leave Friday July 1st but we couldn’t catch a plane out. We were flying space A and all the flights were filled. We ended up being lucky enough to have someone get us one way tickets to Honolulu the next day. I had so much energy when we got there so we got the rental car and drove to our hotel room. The traffic wasn’t that wonderful. I didn’t realize Hawaii was so congested and had so many roads. The hotel was BEAUTIFUL! More than we had expected. We got unpacked and then headed off to dinner. I didn’t want to do anything too authentic on the first night so we walked to The Cheesecake Factory. It was delicious. There were soooo many people everywhere, and TONS of Japanese people. We both didn’t realize how packed Waikiki was in July.
Day 1 -July 3rd We ate breakfast at Eggs ‘n’ Things, it was AMAZING! I bought some coconut syrup cause it was sooo yummy. Then we went to Chinatown. Devin wasn’t too thrilled about the idea of going to Chinatown but I convinced him it would be fun. I had looked up online a good place to park that was relatively cheap well when we pulled in the garage was TINY. We could barely turn the corners in our long Toyota Camry. I tried a space but it was too narrow. Finally we found something. We wandered around Chinatown and really enjoyed the markets. There were fish everywhere of every species. There was pork and other meat chunks all over as well. It was interesting. I had looked up places to eat and found a place called Char Hung Suts with good reviews so we went and I ordered one of everything. It was a little too authentic. I thought I was going to be sick. We went back to the car after a couple hours and I went to pull out of the parking lot and accidentally rammed the car into the cement wall behind me. Not a great moment! We were both pretty ticked off but the damage wasn’t that bad.
After Chinatown we went to the Swap Meet at the stadium. It was only $1 to get in and it was HUGE! There were booths set up around the outside of the stadium that wrapped around the whole thing twice. It was crazy big. We found an ornament and a vase. Devin got a coconut. I was getting sunburnt so we decided to leave but it was pretty fun. For dinner we ate at Hula Grill and had the most beautiful view of the ocean. We ordered Ribs with a yummy pineapple mango marinade. They had this delicious dipping sauce for your bread too. We walked around a bit and found a guy who paints your name with all the cool little pictures so we stopped and had our name painted. It turned out great.
Day 2- July 4th We woke up early and drove to Kailua. We had a fantastic breakfast at Cinnamon’s. They had Red Velvet Pancakes with a white chocolate sauce. SOOO GOOD! We then rented kayaks and went from Kailua and headed out to Lanakai beach. It was beautiful out. We snorkeled when we got to Lanakai. I was surprisingly nervous to put my head under the water but I warmed up to it. I was done after an hour or so but Devin was way into it so I laid out and he snorkeled for a while longer. I started to feel my skin burn and knew I was in trouble. There was no shade and I only had a small towel to cover my shoulders. When we got back to Waikiki we were hurting SOOO bad from sunburns. We went swimming at the beach at our hotel and in the pools but decided to head back to the room. Our sunburns were way bad. We couldn’t touch each other, water made it hurt worse, aloe did nothing. It hurt to lay down it hurt to sit. Everything hurt! We went to the Ala Mona Mall to find out it was closing early because it was a holiday and there were fireworks across the street. We watched what we could from the car but Devin didn’t want to get stuck in the traffic so he didn’t stop.
Day 3- July 5th The next day we went to the ITR office to get tickets to all of the events that we had wanted to see. Post was pretty nice. I was impressed. After that we went to the Dole Plantation. It was a lot of fun. Devin did the Maui Divers Pearls thing where he opened up oysters and found pearls. He made me a ring and a necklace then I opened one up that had twins in it. It was pretty cool. They had this awesome maze where you have a little piece of paper and you are supposed to find 8 stations where you make a symbol off. We only found 5 and were hurting from the sun so we had to quit but it was an awesome maze. I would go back just to do that. The train ride was decent. There was a crazy long line which kinda sucked but it was fine. We enjoyed the best pineapple ice-cream with fresh pineapples on it. We went back to the room and napped then went back to the Ala Mona Mall. There were some beautiful views from the top floor of the mall. We went to California Pizza Kitchen then ended up buying Legos so we would have something to do since we were so sun burnt.
Day 4- July 6th The day was spent at the Seal Life Center. We initially wanted to swim with the dolphins but I am SOOO glad we didn’t. It was so commercialized that you get to spend like 2 minutes with the dolphins and it cost a ton of money. We are going to do it another time when it’s not so crowded and you get to spend more time with the dolphins. The Sea life center had a couple good shows but it was definitely somewhere we wouldn’t go back to. Sea World is much better. The drive to and from was beautiful. It was all on the coast. We stopped at the Hanama Bay Blowhole for a few pictures. It was gorgeous. Back at the hotel Devin took my pearls into the Exchange store where they had another Maui Divers Peal stand and he made them into earrings. They turned out beautiful.
Day 5- July 7th We left early and headed up north. We checked out BYU-Hawaii which was surprisingly small. I expected it to be much bigger. There weren’t very many food options either. I guess they have plans to expand which would be good. It was so small we were there for about 30 minutes. We went to the temple next. It was breathtaking. The visitor’s center was awesome. They had a video and a bunch of interactive stations. It was great for the public to learn more about the church and our temples. Next was the Polynesian Cultural Center. It was both of our favorite part of the whole trip. There was so much to see. It was so educational and entertaining. It was WELL worth the money we spent on it. We took a canoe ride to the different islands, tasted coconut bread, weaved some little fish, Devin climbed a coconut tree, we tasted poi, Devin learned how to make fire with sticks, we enjoyed a luau and then finished the day off with the show HA Breath of Life. It was super great.
Day 6- July 8th Pearl Harbor Day! We spent the morning looking at all of the memorials/monuments and walking through the museums. We both really enjoyed the Battleship Missouri. It was HUGE and they let you walk all over the thing. I was feeling especially crummy this day. Starting on the 1st I had begun my injections and I was having severe side effects. On the 2nd I started noticing bloating and nausea but then it increased to pain in my legs, trouble sleeping, migraines, cramping, and a couple other things that are gross. Through the trip everything was getting worse and the swelling was so bad it hurt to walk. While we were doing all of the peal harbor stuff I talked to my aunt and she said I should go to the ER because of our family history of blood clotting. So we left Pearl Harbor and headed to Tripler Army Hospital. I was there waiting from 1:20 until something like 7pm. It was ridiculous. They did an EKG ran blood work, did an ultrasound on my legs and ruled out blood clots. I gained 12 pounds in 4 days from water weight gain. NASTY! They said it was all side effects from the meds and if I could stand the pain I could stay on the meds. I wasn’t about to get off of them because we want a baby so bad so that wasn’t really an option. We decided we should leave in the morning though because the doc advised that I stay out of the sun, the heat, and off of my feet. All of which we couldn’t do while in Hawaii.
Day 7- July 9th We checked out of our hotel and went to Leonard’s Bakery one last time to enjoy their amazing Malasados. We went to the farmers market where unfortunately we couldn’t buy anything because it’s illegal to fly fruit out of Hawaii. We returned our rental car and headed to Hickam where we pretty close to the top of the list to fly out. It was wonderful that we got a flight out. We flew to California where we were lucky enough to spend some time with my friend Kristina, her two boys and her dad. I haven’t seen her in 2 ½ years. I’ve never met her boys so it was a lot of fun and kind of bittersweet. I hate living so far away from some of my friends. We caught a flight out of California and got home middle of the night on the 11th. It was nice to be home. I was able to get the swelling in my legs down pretty quickly and started feeling much better minus the two injections a day!
All in all it was a great trip.
I’m glad Devin and I were able to spend some time together before his upcoming deployment.
Im having a fun time trying to get my pictures up so ill just post a bunch on a seperate post.
Day 1 -July 3rd We ate breakfast at Eggs ‘n’ Things, it was AMAZING! I bought some coconut syrup cause it was sooo yummy. Then we went to Chinatown. Devin wasn’t too thrilled about the idea of going to Chinatown but I convinced him it would be fun. I had looked up online a good place to park that was relatively cheap well when we pulled in the garage was TINY. We could barely turn the corners in our long Toyota Camry. I tried a space but it was too narrow. Finally we found something. We wandered around Chinatown and really enjoyed the markets. There were fish everywhere of every species. There was pork and other meat chunks all over as well. It was interesting. I had looked up places to eat and found a place called Char Hung Suts with good reviews so we went and I ordered one of everything. It was a little too authentic. I thought I was going to be sick. We went back to the car after a couple hours and I went to pull out of the parking lot and accidentally rammed the car into the cement wall behind me. Not a great moment! We were both pretty ticked off but the damage wasn’t that bad.
After Chinatown we went to the Swap Meet at the stadium. It was only $1 to get in and it was HUGE! There were booths set up around the outside of the stadium that wrapped around the whole thing twice. It was crazy big. We found an ornament and a vase. Devin got a coconut. I was getting sunburnt so we decided to leave but it was pretty fun. For dinner we ate at Hula Grill and had the most beautiful view of the ocean. We ordered Ribs with a yummy pineapple mango marinade. They had this delicious dipping sauce for your bread too. We walked around a bit and found a guy who paints your name with all the cool little pictures so we stopped and had our name painted. It turned out great.
Day 2- July 4th We woke up early and drove to Kailua. We had a fantastic breakfast at Cinnamon’s. They had Red Velvet Pancakes with a white chocolate sauce. SOOO GOOD! We then rented kayaks and went from Kailua and headed out to Lanakai beach. It was beautiful out. We snorkeled when we got to Lanakai. I was surprisingly nervous to put my head under the water but I warmed up to it. I was done after an hour or so but Devin was way into it so I laid out and he snorkeled for a while longer. I started to feel my skin burn and knew I was in trouble. There was no shade and I only had a small towel to cover my shoulders. When we got back to Waikiki we were hurting SOOO bad from sunburns. We went swimming at the beach at our hotel and in the pools but decided to head back to the room. Our sunburns were way bad. We couldn’t touch each other, water made it hurt worse, aloe did nothing. It hurt to lay down it hurt to sit. Everything hurt! We went to the Ala Mona Mall to find out it was closing early because it was a holiday and there were fireworks across the street. We watched what we could from the car but Devin didn’t want to get stuck in the traffic so he didn’t stop.
Day 3- July 5th The next day we went to the ITR office to get tickets to all of the events that we had wanted to see. Post was pretty nice. I was impressed. After that we went to the Dole Plantation. It was a lot of fun. Devin did the Maui Divers Pearls thing where he opened up oysters and found pearls. He made me a ring and a necklace then I opened one up that had twins in it. It was pretty cool. They had this awesome maze where you have a little piece of paper and you are supposed to find 8 stations where you make a symbol off. We only found 5 and were hurting from the sun so we had to quit but it was an awesome maze. I would go back just to do that. The train ride was decent. There was a crazy long line which kinda sucked but it was fine. We enjoyed the best pineapple ice-cream with fresh pineapples on it. We went back to the room and napped then went back to the Ala Mona Mall. There were some beautiful views from the top floor of the mall. We went to California Pizza Kitchen then ended up buying Legos so we would have something to do since we were so sun burnt.
Day 4- July 6th The day was spent at the Seal Life Center. We initially wanted to swim with the dolphins but I am SOOO glad we didn’t. It was so commercialized that you get to spend like 2 minutes with the dolphins and it cost a ton of money. We are going to do it another time when it’s not so crowded and you get to spend more time with the dolphins. The Sea life center had a couple good shows but it was definitely somewhere we wouldn’t go back to. Sea World is much better. The drive to and from was beautiful. It was all on the coast. We stopped at the Hanama Bay Blowhole for a few pictures. It was gorgeous. Back at the hotel Devin took my pearls into the Exchange store where they had another Maui Divers Peal stand and he made them into earrings. They turned out beautiful.
Day 5- July 7th We left early and headed up north. We checked out BYU-Hawaii which was surprisingly small. I expected it to be much bigger. There weren’t very many food options either. I guess they have plans to expand which would be good. It was so small we were there for about 30 minutes. We went to the temple next. It was breathtaking. The visitor’s center was awesome. They had a video and a bunch of interactive stations. It was great for the public to learn more about the church and our temples. Next was the Polynesian Cultural Center. It was both of our favorite part of the whole trip. There was so much to see. It was so educational and entertaining. It was WELL worth the money we spent on it. We took a canoe ride to the different islands, tasted coconut bread, weaved some little fish, Devin climbed a coconut tree, we tasted poi, Devin learned how to make fire with sticks, we enjoyed a luau and then finished the day off with the show HA Breath of Life. It was super great.
Day 6- July 8th Pearl Harbor Day! We spent the morning looking at all of the memorials/monuments and walking through the museums. We both really enjoyed the Battleship Missouri. It was HUGE and they let you walk all over the thing. I was feeling especially crummy this day. Starting on the 1st I had begun my injections and I was having severe side effects. On the 2nd I started noticing bloating and nausea but then it increased to pain in my legs, trouble sleeping, migraines, cramping, and a couple other things that are gross. Through the trip everything was getting worse and the swelling was so bad it hurt to walk. While we were doing all of the peal harbor stuff I talked to my aunt and she said I should go to the ER because of our family history of blood clotting. So we left Pearl Harbor and headed to Tripler Army Hospital. I was there waiting from 1:20 until something like 7pm. It was ridiculous. They did an EKG ran blood work, did an ultrasound on my legs and ruled out blood clots. I gained 12 pounds in 4 days from water weight gain. NASTY! They said it was all side effects from the meds and if I could stand the pain I could stay on the meds. I wasn’t about to get off of them because we want a baby so bad so that wasn’t really an option. We decided we should leave in the morning though because the doc advised that I stay out of the sun, the heat, and off of my feet. All of which we couldn’t do while in Hawaii.
Day 7- July 9th We checked out of our hotel and went to Leonard’s Bakery one last time to enjoy their amazing Malasados. We went to the farmers market where unfortunately we couldn’t buy anything because it’s illegal to fly fruit out of Hawaii. We returned our rental car and headed to Hickam where we pretty close to the top of the list to fly out. It was wonderful that we got a flight out. We flew to California where we were lucky enough to spend some time with my friend Kristina, her two boys and her dad. I haven’t seen her in 2 ½ years. I’ve never met her boys so it was a lot of fun and kind of bittersweet. I hate living so far away from some of my friends. We caught a flight out of California and got home middle of the night on the 11th. It was nice to be home. I was able to get the swelling in my legs down pretty quickly and started feeling much better minus the two injections a day!
All in all it was a great trip.
I’m glad Devin and I were able to spend some time together before his upcoming deployment.
Im having a fun time trying to get my pictures up so ill just post a bunch on a seperate post.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Egg Retrieval
Devin gets to stick me in the bum in the morning and give me my 10,000 IUs of HCG to trigger my ovulation. They are harvesting my eggs Tuesday at 5 pm! I am super excited! We are going to get some fishing in hopefully right after they take the eggs out so hopefully I dont hurt cause I really want to get some more fish. Wish me luck! Embryo Transfer should be Sunday the 24th!
Monday, June 20, 2011
Color Me Mine
I have been wanting to paint pottery with Devin since 2008 and he always said the same things, "men dont paint pottery" and "it's not something that sounds like fun". He finally came through and even suggested that we go. We went and picked out our pieces and came up with our designs. It took us both quite a while but it was a lot of fun. I am pretty happy with how they both turned out. We picked them up yesterday and they had some new bisque... there is a GIANT PIG! Its even a piggy bank! Im so excited, I have to go back and paint one.
Another Camping Trip in May
The last weekend of May we decided to go back down but spend a little more time. We didnt get a good chance to see Homer because of the time we got there so we spent Friday at Homer. We checked out all the little shops and the fish processing plants. Then Saturday we took the ferry over to Seldovia to explore the little town. I went there when I was younger and I had some great memories of the bed and breakfast we stayed at. There was an adorable cocker spaniel there. I remember this restaurant we went to that had the best quiche I had and have ever had since. It wasnt exactly how I remember it though. It was very quiet, not very many stores to explore. There was a chainsaw carving competition which was awesome, there was a kid that hooked into two king salmon from this bridge (he didnt land them though cause he didnt have good line), it was all in all a beautiful town but not exactly what I had expected.
After we got back to Homer we decided to head to Soldotna to grab camping chairs and camp by a river we heard had a good spot to catch kings. On our way Devin got a phone call saying he needed to get back in town cause he was needed in Fairbanks the following morning for work stuff. It was very dissapointing since he was supposed to have a 4 day weekend. We headed back though and on the way he got another call saying you can stay another night but we need you Monday. We had already driven so far back it wasnt worth it to turn around. So that cut the weekend short. We had fun though! I really really like camping in the car, we have a litte camp stove we cook dinner on the cooler and then have a nice big warm bed in the car. Its perfect!
May Weekend Camping Trips
Our first trip was a very last minute event. Devin called home saying to throw stuff in the car so when he gets home we can get out of town and head south to the Kenai Peninsula. I got some food together and packed up some things. We decided to just sleep in the car so we didnt have to mess with a tent. It was a lot of fun. We went down to Homer, got there around 11pm, slept in the car and woke up for high tide. We went king salmon fishing with no luck but it was a beautiful day and it was fun just to explore new territory. Then we went clam digging which it was Devin's first time so that was pretty entertaining to watch him. He was like a kid in the candy shop every time I told him there was an air bubble he pounced. He got the hang of it and spotted his own. We didnt get a ton of clams but thats probably a good thing cause when we got home I didnt totally know what to do with them so we ended up tossing them. I did some research so now I think I'm good and I cant wait to go back and get more!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Infertility
It has been a pretty long time since I have gotten on here but I figure it’s about time I let it all out! I have been carrying a huge burden on my shoulders for almost 5 years now. I didn’t know how to talk about it, I didn’t want to sound like a whiny baby, I haven’t wanted to possibly offend anyone, AND I didn’t want to seem ungrateful for what I have. For those of you who I have told, I hope that it didn’t come across as annoying or over the top, and I hope it hasn’t come up too often but it is something very hard to bear and I can no longer be quiet about it.
I was diagnosed September 2009 with endometriosis. I have been suffering from excruciating pain every month since I was 15. I had spoken with several doctors, been to the E.R. several times but still nothing. I was told I had ovarian cysts, I was told it might be appendicitis but to no avail I was always sent home with a hole in my arm and a prescription for pain meds. Devin and I were always looking forward to a family from the first day of our marriage. We knew the timing wasn’t really perfect but figured if it happened it happened. Well, nothing happened and it stayed that way for now almost 5 years. Devin was gone here and there doing military training and so whenever he was home we tried but still the same thing. I waited until a couple days before my period to anxiously pee on that dreaded stick for months on end. Every single time it was the same devastation. I would see my friends around me getting pregnant, girls that were 5 years younger than me getting pregnant, my own step-mother, the women at the grocery stores, the teenager that had sex once and bam she’s knocked up, shopping malls, baby announcements, baby showers, it was never ending. I sucked it up for 4 years and figured my time would come. I got annoying advice all of the time… “just relax, it will happen once you relax”, “it’s in the Lords time, just have patience”, “don’t have kids, their just a nightmare”, “your still young, what’s the rush”, “maybe you just weren’t meant to have kids on this earth”, “maybe its cause your marriage is unstable”. Let’s just say I wanted to scream at these people and tell them to SHUT UP! You don’t understand, you’re not in my shoes, you don’t feel the pain the loneliness, you aren’t the one feeling like less of a woman, like your broken inside. I can tell people about a problem at home but I don’t think it ever comes out that we are both going through hell inside and really how hard it is to both stay positive and happy when you both feel a little empty. I still feel this. Every single day that passes, my heart aches, I can’t sit through sacrament meeting without a tear in my eye, every single Sunday I am in pain. I pray every chance I get to be comforted, to make it through, to trust in the Lord, to have faith in his plan. We have fasted; we have gone to the temple so many times in search for an answer as to whether or not we are supposed to have a child and to ask what God has in store for us. I have faith in the Lord, I know that there is something in store for me but it does not change the hurt and emptiness inside of me. I want to be a mother more than anything in the whole world. I want to have a family, a busy schedule revolving around my children. I have accomplished so many things and have drowned myself into hobbies, education, building my businesses, doing service, cooking, baking, whatever else is out there, I’ve done it but at the end of the day it is not the fulfillment I’m looking for. It is all just a way to preoccupy my time.
I had a 4 hour surgery September 09 where they went in and found a lot of scar tissue and removed what they could, they checked me all over and afterwards said I should be good to go, they said I would be fertile and could have babies. Then when nothing happened 6 months later I went in to be told to do a bunch of testing, take clomid, do blood work, check sperm, have an excruciating procedure called an HSG where they put a tube inside of my fallopian tubes, pinched off the opening with a clamp and rushed fluid through them while the whole time I was awake but of course they found nothing. I did clomid for 6 months and then was told I fall into the category of unexplained infertility. I was referred to a clinic in Soldotna Alaska and a clinic in Seattle Washington. I was told the last chance of having my own child would be to try IVF (In vitro fertilization), a very expensive procedure with a 50% success rate. So now here I am, I am on day 2 of my mense cycle (the first part of the Long Lupron Protocol so they call it). I have a long road ahead of me and it will involve tears, pain, and heavy hormones but I am excited to take this step. I have my fingers crossed; my prayers and faith will hopefully prevail. I can only HOPE!
For now, I want others to know that unless you have gone through infertility don’t try to give advice, it’s quite annoying. The only thing that helps is love and support; it helps to have someone to talk to, to have a shoulder to cry on, someone who truly cares about you and your situation. One of my dear friends told me that everyone has trials, this is yours, God loves you, He is there for you, it will all work out in the end. She could not have said it better and I will always remember that. If you are not sensitive to the issue then its better you don’t talk about it because it is really painful to hear women talking about the blessing God gave them, how the Lord trusted them with a child, how they got pregnant on the first try, or it only took 3 months to conceive, they knew they were meant to have a family, and anything else of that nature. I understand it’s out of innocence and it is just how they are feeling or showing their gratitude but it cuts like a knife to anyone trying for years to conceive. My last words on this are don’t tiptoe around the issue, if you have a question about my situation ask it, if you are pregnant and don’t know what to say, ANNOUNCE IT! I hate when people wait because they don’t want to offend me. Your freaking pregnant, that’s exciting, I’ll be excited for you! It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt a little but it’s something to get excited about and I want to share in those moments with my friends and family.
I want you all to know that I love you dearly, I am not trying to call anyone out, I am just informing you on my current situation. I know a lot of you know a little about what’s going on but I’m opening up to the whole scoop. I’m sick of having so much internal sadness and pain. Also, there have been rough roads in my almost 5 year marriage, we will work it out. We were married and sealed in the temple for all eternity for a reason and it will remain that way. There has been so much stress put on our marriage because of the military and infertility and this is just one more trial that we have to overcome. I am sorry for any sob stories I have told, I have had a lot of anger and hurt that occasionally comes out. I am not perfect but hopefully with the Lords help I can become closer to being perfected in Him.
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